People Pleasing - What It Takes To Say No

We are often tra5B4ined to become people pleasers during the first few years of our lives. If you do what Daddy wants, Daddy might play with you. If you do well at school, Mommy might smile. Whenever children dare to say no, they are quickly taught the consequences. However, when we spend our childhood surrounded by conditional love, we learn to only love ourselves conditionally. In order to take back your life, you need to get comfortable saying no again; and saying no is always uncomfortable unless you have something else to which you are giving an overwhelming yes...

People always used to call me and ask, "What you doing?' To which I would answer, "Not much." Inevitably I would find myself drawn into their plans. I'd be going to parties I didn't want to attend, helping with other people's problems rather than dealing with my own, and wasting time that I couldn't afford. Now I've learned to change my answer, thereby taking back my life.

Whenever people ask me, "What you doing?" I have a list of a dozen things I am doing.

I'm working on my writing.
I'm taking a well-earned week off and not answering my phone.
I'm planting my garden.
I'm rereading my favorite book.
I'm planning my financial future.
I'm writing a mission statement and deciding how I want to live my life.
I'm learning to budget the time I have.
I'm learning to put first things first.

I find the results of my responses interesting. Many5B4 of the people who used to call me for favors have simply stopped calling me. They know that I am too busy navigating the life that I have chosen. Even better, many of the people who used to call me for favors, have begun calling me to simply say, "Hey, how've you been doing? We haven't talked in a while, and I've missed you. That event you're doing sounds interesting. How can I help?"

In order to say "no" to what is not important in this increasingly fast paced world, we need to begin saying "yes" to what is important. In order to do that, we need to ask consciously ask ourselves, "What future actions will most improve the quality of our lives, and how can we commit ourselves to those actions before wasting our energy on anything else?"

If you need help getting started, visit http://www.navigatinglife.org where you will find a free fourteen week on-line course, based upon A River Worth Riding: Fourteen Weeks for Navigating Life, which can help you steer through the roughest waters, as well as an on-line life coach available to answer your questions.

Lynn Marie Sager has toured over two-dozen countries and worked on three continents. Author of A River Worth Riding: Fourteen Rules for Navigating Life, Lynn currently lives in California; where 46Dshe fills her time with private coaching, public speaking, and teaching for the LACCD and Pierce College. She runs the Navigating Life website, where she offers free assistance to readers who wish to incorporate the rules of worthwhile living into their lives. To read more about how you can use these rules to improve your life, visit Lynn's website at http://www.navigatinglife.org

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